Break up Blues and the Single Life

So, as you readers know my boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago.  I’m not going to lie it was not an easy break up and took me awhile to work through the emotions from it.  In fact I am still processing things.  The hardest thing is missing the way he made me feel, his hugs, kisses, cuddling, and the fact that he was alway there to listen and talk things out with me.  It sucks when a person who was such a big part of your life leaves you and does not fight for your relationship.

Since, it has been months since the breakup I have thrown myself back into the dating pool.  It has been so dissapointing and made me miss my ex more than ever.  I am going into everything with an open mind but none of the men I have gone on dates with have lived up to my standards and expectations.  I do my best not to compare my dates to my ex but I wan to find someone who makes me feel like I did when I was with my ex. So far all I have found are guys who have no clue how to plan a date, the socially inept guys, narcissists, and players who just want sex.  My prospects are not looking too good.  I even asked friends if they knew any singles guys or if their significant others did but no luck there.

At times like these I just want my ex and would do anything to change the outcome of our relationship.  I had a connection with him that I did not have with any other guy I ever dated.  He treated me so well but he did not prioritize our relationship. I was like fourth on his list.  it went family, work, friends, sports, me.   I looked passed that for a long time because I loved him.  To me that was  a small problem in our relationship.  I am the one who always gives more without comparing or tit for tat.  But I guess it was causing more issues than I thought I let it all boil up which did not benefit our relationship.

Recently, I have been down and had the breakup blues.  I think of all the memories that we shared and could have shared, how he treated me, and how I felt around him which was always safe and comfortable.  We could just talk about anything together.  If I did not have a certain conversation one day then it would not have spurred him to break up with me.  I know that the last sentence is silly because even if that conversation didn’t take place it does not mean that our relationship would have continued for years and years.  But in my heart I truly feel that if I had decided to have that particular conversation after the holidays things would have worked out better.  Not saying how long we would have lasted because I can not predict the future.

Now, all I need to help me move on and get out of this funk is to find a man who causes me to have the same feelings that my ex did.  I want to experience the same feelings that I felt with my ex.  It’s like we were connected and could just tell how each other felt and what they were thinking without saying a word.  But of course everything wasn’t peachy keen otherwise we would not have broken up. I just want the new guy to make me feel safe, comfortable, listened to, and communicative with me about feelings, issues, and positive things.

I know it is crazy to think this way but since I have started dating again it just hasn’t been the same.  I just wonder where my ex and I would be at this point and how our relationship would have developed.  I know I need to just get over things but it is way more difficult than I thought.      But being back in the dating world has both helped and hindered me. It makes me see what a great man my ex was compared to the guys I have chatted with.  Seriously, there are some douche bags out there in world.

Realistically, I know things between us are done but i do cling to that tiny bit of hope where he will want to talk to me again and we will be friends. But, I know that it will not happen or he would have done it already. I also know that neither my breakup or relationship was as bad as others. Our differences lied in the following our views of relationship priority, his lack of communication skills about various topics and emotions.  But what’s done is done and there is no use crying over spilled milk.

What have you guys and gals done in situations like this?  What has helped you get over an ex? How long did it take you to get over an ex?  Have any of you reunited with an ex after certain period of time?

To the next woman in his life….

I had the idea for this post after reflecting on all of the good times my ex and I have shared and the reasons why our relationship lasted so long without major problems.  This is what I would have to say if I was ever asked about or had to talk about my ex or need to give advice to the next woman in his life.

To the next woman who will date my ex,

First off, let me say that you are a lucky gal because you found a man who is respectful, will care about you, keep you safe, listen to you, remember the little things you say, make sure you got home safe, and not pressure you to do anything that is not comfortable.  There are not many men in the dating scene who are like this and all of the above qualities are important in a relationship.  You are probably surprised that I  am having a positive take and not jumping on the negative train and bashing my ex.  Yes, there were qualities that made us incompatible or things in our relationship that he did not want to compromise on like giving up a Friday night out with his co-workers to spend time with me.  Another big thing is that if  you live far from his town it will be a struggle to get him to visit you because he doesn’t like to drive too far or he will come up with an excuse as to why he can’t make it up your way.  Some of those items above might be major issues for you but both of you should  try your hardest to work through the issues.  Look for the good despite the bad and remember why the both of you began dating in the first place.  That will help a lot trust me!

Everyone has unlikable e traits and both parties contribute to a relationship failure.  There are things I did or said that caused some problems in our relationship.  I am not perfect and neither is he but he is genuine and will do his best in the relationship.  Its just sometimes what he thinks is best is not good enough and is not enough to make the relationship work (at least in my relationship with him).  Also, settling is not good either and neither of you should settle on each other.  Both of you should be head over heels in love with each other.  So never settle and do not continue the relationship if you feel like you are settling.  It will be better to say how you are feeling than lead him on.  Please do not hurt his feelings.  That he does not deserve!  He deserves to be treated with respect and care.

It is important to be patient with him because he moves slower than other men and it will take him time to open up to you.   Just be there for him and  if you go fast slow down a bit for him.  He will listen to what you are saying and try but it does not mean things will change within your relationship and might cause frictions between the two of you.  Yes, relationships are not perfect but make sure you always communicate even about the tough stuff.  He might not like that you are being straight up with him and he will get defensive and complain but this is important.  Never just sit back and let things fester because then it will blow up in both of your faces. we never screamed or yelled at each other but always talked things out even if it was tough stuff.  For me it was always about the open line of communication.  This helped us work through things not everything but majority of things.  So, do that even if it is awkward or hurtful.  Something that festers is not good an leads to even more problems.

My advice to you is to enjoy the moments you spend together and be happy that you found one of the good guys.  The guy that will always listen, care about you, and want you to be a part of his life, he might be a bit shy and a tad bit awkward but he is well worth it and an upstanding guy.  So, definitely work through the tough stuff and so everything you can to stay together.  Show him that you will not give up and sometimes you might need to be blunt for him to realize your feelings or how things are affecting you.  But most important of all do not give up on this relationship and do whatever you can to make it work!  You have fantastic guy so be thankful and appreciate everything that you have in the relationship and if things do not work out try to end things well.  try to part o n good terms.  Ours was not on that great of terms and it sucked for me.  But I still wish him well and hope that you both respect and treat each other right!

Best wish,

His past girlfriend