So, over the past few weeks I have been thinking about my ex a lot. This was by far my worst breakup and I think the fact that I did not get closure and how much of a shock the break up was deeply affected me. I try not to replay events that occurred during our relationship and wonder what could have been between us.
One point that stuck out recently was a discussion my ex and I had about the ending of the book Brooklyn by: Colm Tobin. We both read the book and discussed it. The ending of the novel was a rather tricky discussion for us because we both had different viewpoints about how the novel closed. I agreed with the ending and stated my reasons why and my ex did not agree with the ending and stated his reasons why. It was a fun discussion and neither of us bashed each because of our views. When everything was said and done we never brought up the book again but i have always remembered the discussion.
Recently, a close family member read the book and we discussed it and of course talked about the ending. For those of you that don’t know the ending of the book: Eilis, main character, chooses to travel back to Brooklyn to be with Tony, a young man she married, instead of stay in her hometown of Einscorthy, Ireland with a man she met named Jim. We discussed the ending and it took me back to when my ex and I were talking about it. It was eye opening rememberance now because of how that long ago conversation about the book that I had with my ex was foreshadowing of our relationship history. I was the more spontaneous, adventurous and emotional one. He was the one who played it safe, wouldn’t take risks, was logical, and unemotional. I guess I did not think of it then but that’s how our relationship was. He would not get out of his comfort zone or his hometown town to explore other areas or be spontaneous with me. He would want to stay close to his home or do things that were convienet or comfortable to him. He was a lot like Jim in the story. I was more like Eilis because I wanted to experience different things and have new adventures instead of do the same things or stay in the same place.
In regards to our discussion about the ending of the book I agreed with the ending of the story believing that Elish saw that there was no future or growth for her in Ireland. She would be in the same town she grew up in with the same people of her past who will not not let her forget her past and would always remind her of it. Also, there are not many opportunities for her to travel or have a career in her hometown or while she was with Jim. Yes, Eilis would have had a comfortable life with Jim, who was was very content running the pub for the rest of his life, but I could sense Eilis wanted more than the simple life.
My ex disagreed and said that Elish would have been better off staying with Jim because he has a stable job and would be able to provide for Eilis. He did no think it was right how Eilis left Jim without truly saying goodbye. He thought that Jim would be the better choice for Eilis than Tony would have because he felt that she could have better and more stable life in Ireland than she could in America. His opinion was fine but I should have really listened and saw the similarities between things but I didn’t.
Our discussion foreshadowed the ending of our relationship. I wanted more effort put into our relationship, I was the more adventurous one, and I could not sit in the same place on a couch all day and watch the world pass me by. Basically things ended in part because he played it too safe like Jim and would not initiate plans or explore new places like Tony. So, that is partly how it ended and what influenced it’s end. Oh, boy, I love this book but after that convo with my family member it made me think so much about my last relationship. I think I need to take the advice of the quote below and just move forward and start a new.