Last minute Nellys or no date

Last Minute Nellys

So, I have noticed a trend with the men in my area: they either ask you out for a date at the last minute as in the day of the date or they do not have the initiative to actually ask you out.  There have been a few scenarios where the man will ask me Friday late afternoon for date that evening.  I am a planner and would have made plans by that point.  it makes me feel like a fall back option because nothing else worked out.  I totally understand spontaneity which to me goes something like this hey, my friend Joe just gave me tickets for tonight’s hockey game.  Would you be interested in going?  That is totally different than getting asked out a few hours before for date. That irks me because it shows that some guys have no respect for your time.  Spontaneous things I will say yes to but lack of planning for a first date I have no time for.

Non-Aggressive Men 

Now onto the non-aggressive men.  They piss me off too!  I’ll have conversations with guys and they fail to actually ask me on a date.  They hint at it or mention it but never have the balls to ask.  I’ve been there where I have asked the man on the date because he was to timid to do and it was big mistake.   After initiating the first date I had to do it with the second date was well.  Let’s just say that was a short lived relationship..I find that most men I encounter especially online from my area are like this and just with hint at or insinuate things but not get the kahunas to do it.  I mean how bad is it to ask a girl out to coffee or drinks?  the worst that can happen is she says no or you waste and hour or two of your time.  But majority of guys will have a good conversation going with you and then not ask you out.  So, its either don’t waste my time if you do not plan on asking  me out or just be a man and ask because you have nothing to lose.   I know it may cause and anxiety and can be scary but I have asked guys out and got over myself.  once you do it its not so bad.  Hey if you don’t ask her out for a first date then you could be missing out on and you could start dating a good person or make a new friend.

Men if you are reading this put more effort into to planning an actual date.  I’m not saying fancy restaurant but at least the basics such as date, time, and place and if you have been talking to a woman you really like ask her out instead of just using innuendos.  Last minute Nellys and you non-aggressive men take not and

I happened to find an article that summed up my feelings and beliefs about the these too timid men:

http://ruthiedean.com/2012/05/07/real-men-dont-text-mr-late-night-mr-last-minute/

 

Has anyone else experienced this down South?  How have you dealt with any of the types of men above? I know that I have not talked to them after awhile or gave them the boot.

 

An insight to an ending

So, over the past few weeks I have been thinking about my ex a lot. This was by far my worst breakup and I think the fact that I did not get closure and how much of a shock the break up was deeply affected me. I try not to replay events that occurred during our relationship and wonder what could have been between us.

One point that stuck out recently was a discussion my ex and I had about the ending of the book Brooklyn by: Colm Tobin. We both read the book and discussed it. The ending of the novel was a rather tricky discussion for us because we both had different viewpoints about how the novel closed. I agreed with the ending and stated my reasons why and my ex did not agree with the ending and stated his reasons why. It was a fun discussion and neither of us bashed each because of our views. When everything was said and done we never brought up the book again but i have always remembered the discussion.

Recently, a close family member read the book and we discussed it and of course talked about the ending.  For those of you that don’t know the ending of the book: Eilis, main character, chooses to travel back to Brooklyn to be with Tony, a young man she married, instead of stay in her hometown of  Einscorthy, Ireland with a man she met named Jim.  We discussed the ending and it took me back to when my ex and I were talking about it.  It was eye opening rememberance  now because of how that long ago conversation about the book that I had with my ex was  foreshadowing of our relationship history.  I was the more spontaneous, adventurous and emotional one.  He was the one who played it safe, wouldn’t take risks, was logical, and unemotional.  I guess I did not think of it then but that’s how our relationship was.  He would not get out of his comfort zone or his hometown town to explore other areas or be spontaneous with me.  He would want to stay close to his home or do things that were convienet or comfortable to him.  He was a lot like Jim in the story.  I was more like Eilis because I wanted to experience different things and have new adventures instead of do the same things or stay in the same place.

In regards to our discussion about the ending of the book I agreed with the ending of the story believing that Elish saw that there was no future or growth for her in Ireland.  She would be in the same town she grew up in with the same people of her past who will not not let her forget her past and would always remind her of it. Also, there are not many opportunities for her to travel or have a career in her hometown or while she was with  Jim. Yes, Eilis would have had a comfortable life with Jim, who was  was very content running the pub for the rest of his life, but I could sense Eilis wanted more than the simple life.

My ex disagreed and said that Elish would have been better off staying with Jim because he has a stable job and would be able to provide for Eilis.  He did no think it was right how Eilis left Jim without truly saying goodbye.  He thought that Jim would be the better choice for Eilis than Tony would have because he felt that she could have better and more stable life in Ireland than she could in America.  His opinion was fine but I should have really listened and saw the similarities between things but I didn’t.

Our discussion foreshadowed the ending of our relationship.  I wanted more effort put into our relationship, I was the more adventurous one, and I could not sit in the same place on a couch all day and watch the world pass me by.  Basically things ended in part  because he played it too safe like Jim and would not initiate plans or explore new places like Tony.  So, that is partly how it ended and what influenced it’s end.  Oh, boy, I love this book but after that convo with my family member it made me think so much about my last relationship.   I think I need to take the advice of the quote below and just move forward and start a new.

Guess who is back … back again

So, it is safe to say that I have been missing from this blog for a few months. It is not something I planned on happening but it did and I am ready to jump back on the bandwagon!
I have missed blogging so much and in lieu of logging on here the notes on my iPhone is chock full of future posts and ideas! The pas few months have been emotional and frustrating for me due to certain things happening the holiday, difficulties in my relationship (which is now non-existent), family, career, and self worth. All of those factors were overwhelming and resulted in me not blogging like I should have done. Blown helps me connect with others, express my ideas, and document aspects of my life an thinking during my life. So, I am back and excited to finally start positing again. I am not sure how frequently I will blog, most likely as fast as I can edit and elaborate on those ideas and posts in my iPhone notes. so, cheers for now and see you soon!

XoXo ~ Amanda

Blogtember 30: September 30

Blogtember 30:  Picture this, you’ve been stopped on the street by the photographer of Humans of New York, and he asks, “What advice would you give to a large group of people?” Share a picture of yourself along with the advice.

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My advice to others will be never settle!  I have learned the hard way that settling gets you nowhere and that it only bring unhappiness.  I have settled in relationships that I found comfortable because I thought I could not do better, I have settled for unfair pay and in a job that was not fulfilling me.  There are so many things that you can settle with but don’t just don’t.  You will have so much stress and unrest from it.  I have learned that once I feel complacent or like I am settling then it is time to move on and look for greener pastures.  Once I become complacent I feel trapped, stuck, and unproductive.  It hinders me and eventually causes me to feel like I am not making a difference or pushing my life forward.  Now when I feel like I am settling I begin to change and like for better things.  There is no reason for me to just stay in a job or with something because it is there at the moment.  There is always something bigger and better within reach and that is what I need to strive to do.  You need to strive for it too and you will be amazed at what you can accomplish!

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Blogtember 27: September 27

Blogtember 27: Something that made you laugh or cry recently. It could be a video, a picture, a post, a memory. Anything that moved you.

Well, life and friends have made me questions things, laugh, and cry . I think I have been experiencing so many feelings it is crazy. Well I guess it was more realizations than feelings.  I have realized that my friends from high school and up north do not give two shits about me since I have moved.  They have just left me out of things and have not tried to keep in contact with me.  the only time they reach out is when they need something or during the annual Christmas card sending.  I mean it is what it is and I somehow need to come to terms with this and how the friendship is not going to be the same.  it is not going to be what it once was due to my location and I guess changes like friends getting married, in relationships, and putting no effort into the friendship. I think the following quotes sums things up nicely but it doesn’t make things any better or make my feelings any better.

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My life has been going through changes and tough times recently.  Well not major life changing things but more like stuck in a rut things.  I feel like my life has been progressing like a turtle stuck in molasses.  That slow seriously and many other friends or families lives moving at warp speed and it stinks.  I feel happy for them and all of their hard work but no matter what I do, networking, job applications etc. I can not catch a break job wise and it is the most frustrating thing I have been dealing with and i feel that I am just stuck.  I have contemplated my job situation and where to go from here and everywhere I look it seems to just dead end or not pan out.  The following quote kind of sums up what I feel and it is the  feeling so far.

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Stuck Like Glue

 

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So, there are times in my life where I feel stuck and like my life is going nowhere. This is currently occurring in my life and it sucks. Many people around me are hitting their goals, growing within their career, finding love, and just progressing in their life and here I am just watching it all happen. While good things are occurring for others my life is on a standstill and no matter how hard I try nothing is going in my favor.  Just when I think I have conquered something  I get knocked backwards.  It is frustrating and hard not to wonder when it be my time to shine and actually have something positive happen. This year has been a tough one and one of the toughest ones full of setbacks and lots of let downs.  I at least want to end it with something positive. So far I am stuck like glue in mediocre job, lack of a love life, friends who are not truly there for me, and some health issues.  I know there are a lot of things for me to be grateful for this year but it is hard watching others be successful and I’m still stuck and am trying my hardest to fix things in my life.  I guess I will just need to try even harder and keep on trucking and much as it sucks.  As I do that I will wonder when I will finally catch my big break and when the pieces will fall into place for me. For now I will be the girl stuck in limbo and doing my best to keep it all together while trying not to fall apart.

 

Blogtember Day 7 September 7th

Blogtember Day 7: Five things that bring you joy

happy

My Family

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Half the time they drive me nuts and the other half there are fabulous times but I think any persons can relate to that.  I am so thankful to have my family when there are so many individuals who have no one to lean on.  Throughout my life my family has supported me, cried with me, angered me, yelled at me, gave me the needed reality checks, and most of all always loved me for who I am.  They are everything and they make me so happy!

Sunrises & Sunsets

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There is no better way to start and end a day than with these two things.  They always bring me back to vacations because I would sit on the beach to watch both the sunrise and sunset.  It always happens on Montauk beach which is my favorite place in the world.  Many family dinners were had during sunset on our favorite spot on the hill which is now converted to campsites.  That makes me sad because the top of the hill gave the best views of the sunset.  Sunrise is mazing because it means that it is the start of a new day and I have another day to impact people and live my life.  Sunrises are pretty and I love how they look over the water.  I also have to mention

Books

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I am a book nerd and have been since I learned to read!  I will devour anything with words except for sic-fci and romance novels.  There is hardly a time where you catch me without a book in my hand or in my purse.  Reading is like an escape for me and causes me to reflect and think about things.  For the past year I have been part of a book club that has helped bring me out of my shell and also  allow me to discuss books with women who enjoy reading.  Without books I would not be as happy.

Health

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At first glance this is so cliche.  Majority of people list this as one of the things that they are thankful or happy about.  The older I get the more thankful I am for my great health.  In the past year I have had a few people close to me go through some health issue that affected their daily routines, independence, and ability to function.  I stood by all my friends and family during their tough times and saw the struggles they faced and how it effected their life and the people around them.  I am grateful to be able to get out of bed and live my life without pain or sickness and hope it stays that way for as long as I can.