Tres dates from Tinder …

So, I promised all of you readers out there that I would follow up with you after I went on my first Tinder date. My luck was greater than one because I had three Tinder dates with two different men,  I went on one date with one and two dates with the other.  I approached the dates with with no expectations or pre-conceived notions.   I was quite surprised and I think you will be too.

Date Uno

The first guy out of the two we will call B. I was hopeful about meeting B because we had good conversation over the app and through text. We set a date to meet but details were not finalized until the day of the date. This is a big turn off for me If you ask me out then plan the damn date.  I know I am at fault here too because I could have turned the date down.  I get that he is a busy guy because he is in grad school, works, and has a far commute for his job and school.  I totally understand that but it’s not an excuse for lack of planning and I did not get a good first impression of this guy.  He wanted to do things around his schedule which rubbed me the wrong way and it showed he had no consideration for me.  I had to tell him I could not do the time he originally suggested because I already had plans that night.  Since everything was do so last minute I as in no way canceling my plans.  If he planned earlier that would not have been an issue but i threw out times and he rejected them which annoyed me. I had these plans, a close friends birthday, before he asked me out.  When everything was finally set, I was more at ease.

Basically it was a low key date. We met at a coffee shop, tried to go to hike a local park but couldn’t find parking spots so we wound up going to a pub for a drink.  The date was going well because we were there for two hours and didn’t get kicked out or ask us to leave.  I was late to the party because we just had a good conversation flow going on and when we parted there was a mention of a second date the following weekend.

Update: Even though we clicked with conversation on the first date and chatted thereafter we ha don second date. According to him I will not “clique” with him and he would be too much for me (whatever that means).  It was fine and I’m cool with it.  That is what happens when you date.

 

Date Uno

The second first date I went on I enjoyed even better then the first one!  We will call this guy T. T planned ahead and picked a great brunch spot for our date.  He looked like his pictures but was defiantly heavier than his photos. Which means his photos were not recent.  But everything else checked out so I could get over the weight issue.  In reality post current pictures guys, it makes a difference.  We hit it off instantly and our conversation was non-stop.  T and I have visited some of the same places so we chatted about that. The waitress did not rush us out considered it was peak brunch time and packed.  We parted ways and that same night he texted me to let me know he had a great time.  Guess it is a good sign.  We chatted throughout the week and nothing was mentioned about a second date. So, I figured I would initiate a second date.  I threw out two options and he didn’t really seem to dig either of them nor did he suggest an alternative that he would like.  I just picked one and we went to a German beer hall/restaurant for our second date.

Date Dos

This date was initiated and planned by me.  It occurred a week after our second date and again we just chatted away and were not rushed out. T said he enjoyed this date was well and will defiantly like to go out again the upcoming weekend.  We have been talking since the second date and that is a another good sign.   I will have to wait and see what happens for a third date.  The ball is in his court now since I initiated and planned the second date.

 

The two first dates I had showed me that there are decent guys on Tinder.  I found them with a lot of filtering through matches.  I am pretty picky in general but even more so on Tinder due to its reputation.  I was glad that I went  on both dates.  Even if no second date came it was still a good experienced.

Even though the dates turned out good it is so much work to get a response or find decent men.  Sometimes all of the work that I need to go through makes me want to stay single.

 

 

 

 

 

An insight to an ending

So, over the past few weeks I have been thinking about my ex a lot. This was by far my worst breakup and I think the fact that I did not get closure and how much of a shock the break up was deeply affected me. I try not to replay events that occurred during our relationship and wonder what could have been between us.

One point that stuck out recently was a discussion my ex and I had about the ending of the book Brooklyn by: Colm Tobin. We both read the book and discussed it. The ending of the novel was a rather tricky discussion for us because we both had different viewpoints about how the novel closed. I agreed with the ending and stated my reasons why and my ex did not agree with the ending and stated his reasons why. It was a fun discussion and neither of us bashed each because of our views. When everything was said and done we never brought up the book again but i have always remembered the discussion.

Recently, a close family member read the book and we discussed it and of course talked about the ending.  For those of you that don’t know the ending of the book: Eilis, main character, chooses to travel back to Brooklyn to be with Tony, a young man she married, instead of stay in her hometown of  Einscorthy, Ireland with a man she met named Jim.  We discussed the ending and it took me back to when my ex and I were talking about it.  It was eye opening rememberance  now because of how that long ago conversation about the book that I had with my ex was  foreshadowing of our relationship history.  I was the more spontaneous, adventurous and emotional one.  He was the one who played it safe, wouldn’t take risks, was logical, and unemotional.  I guess I did not think of it then but that’s how our relationship was.  He would not get out of his comfort zone or his hometown town to explore other areas or be spontaneous with me.  He would want to stay close to his home or do things that were convienet or comfortable to him.  He was a lot like Jim in the story.  I was more like Eilis because I wanted to experience different things and have new adventures instead of do the same things or stay in the same place.

In regards to our discussion about the ending of the book I agreed with the ending of the story believing that Elish saw that there was no future or growth for her in Ireland.  She would be in the same town she grew up in with the same people of her past who will not not let her forget her past and would always remind her of it. Also, there are not many opportunities for her to travel or have a career in her hometown or while she was with  Jim. Yes, Eilis would have had a comfortable life with Jim, who was  was very content running the pub for the rest of his life, but I could sense Eilis wanted more than the simple life.

My ex disagreed and said that Elish would have been better off staying with Jim because he has a stable job and would be able to provide for Eilis.  He did no think it was right how Eilis left Jim without truly saying goodbye.  He thought that Jim would be the better choice for Eilis than Tony would have because he felt that she could have better and more stable life in Ireland than she could in America.  His opinion was fine but I should have really listened and saw the similarities between things but I didn’t.

Our discussion foreshadowed the ending of our relationship.  I wanted more effort put into our relationship, I was the more adventurous one, and I could not sit in the same place on a couch all day and watch the world pass me by.  Basically things ended in part  because he played it too safe like Jim and would not initiate plans or explore new places like Tony.  So, that is partly how it ended and what influenced it’s end.  Oh, boy, I love this book but after that convo with my family member it made me think so much about my last relationship.   I think I need to take the advice of the quote below and just move forward and start a new.

Mundane Messages …

If I get another poorly written, generic, or just plain dumb message from a guy I will scream or possibly throw my laptop out the window (ok not really these things are expensive).  Throughout the course of my online dating experience many men have sent horrible, creepy, or ungrammatical messages.  Receiving those messages annoy me and just show that some guys put in no effort when online dating.  Those guys are just looking to get laid or for a short term fling. I really hate, hate, hate reading those types of messages and send them straight to the trash.

Note to the guys out there: when writing and sending messages to girls avoid messages like the ones below.  These type of messages will not land you a nice girl and really annoy women, especially ones like me, but I guess if you’re sending messages like the ones below I guess you are interested in a certain type of woman.  Also, not all women appreciate or like getting these types of messages.  Nothing in my profile hints that I want a hook up, causal sex, or a one night stand etc.  But I guess that is what these guys are after and will just spam most women with these ridiculous messages.

Messages:

Hi! Sooo I’m a driven athletic doc visiting the area. Just recently out of a relationship so for once I’m not denying myself some fun. I’d love to meet a sexy fun woman to spend some quality time with. I’m 6’3″ athletic and disclaimer – extremely well hung (huge donkey dick) lol. I’d love to make a woman feel good and hopefully satisfy some desires whether it be for just sensual fun or if she just needs a good slow deep stroke to orgasm experience because well she deserves it! Lol. Life is stressful enough right? we are both adults and life is short. I’d be happy to email a few pics if this sparks your interest 🙂

 Just no, guys these type of messages do not make you look appealing or dateable and is the dude above for real? No, just no I don’t care how well you’re hung. Nice try dude but you’re barking up the wrong tree.

Hey beautiful!

Ok this is a generic message and these are the worst.   They range from hi to hello gorgeous to hey babe.  I hate when guys insert beautiful, pretty, gorgeous etc. into a message thinking it will up their chances of a response.  I have never met you so please don’t call me beautiful.  You clearly send these short intros to multiple women in hopes of a reply.  For future reference read my profile and comment on something we have in common or do a witty first messages to up your chances at a response.

Full figured women are very beautiful to me.

Again with the the whole beautiful thing.  You don’t even know me and it is blatantly obvious that you didn’t even read my profile.  It’s like why did I write a profile if no guys are going to read it or even skim it.

How much does a polar bear wiegh:)

Really dude!  How is this supposed to intrigue me to answer your message.  Also, have you heard of spell check?

What type of panties are you wearing and how do they feel?

One man and I were messaging for awhile and it was going well until he decided to ask me the above question. Really dude? In the middle of our conversation you decide to ask this and it creeped me out.  SO women beware of the nice dudes who turn creepy.

Moved to _______recently. if we start dating we will probably break up because I work too much unless you work too much too then were probably perfect for each other. intelligence and a passion for learning and exploring are all I want. an equal partner to keep me in line and help me always be growing. Or even just somebody who read a book that blew their mind and can’t wait to tell me about it. Since I don’t have time to raise a puppy if you have a pet I may play with it more than you, sorry.

Really dude! This was his profile.  If you’re too busy with work to date than why even bother doing online dating? Also you need to capitalize the first letter of your sentences.  Why would you message me or any woman for that matter when you make it clear that you are too busy to really do anything or than work.  Im sorry but I don’t want to waste my time talking to you if you can’t even hang out.

At least the messages have been entertaining throughout this process and eventually I’ll find a guy I’m compatible with and who is worth my time.

Dating Dilemma … Anxiety

 

quote-Anais-Nin-anxiety-is-loves-greatest-killer-it-makes-88899 maxresdefault

So, I came to the realization that my anxiety is getting in the way of my dating life.  I have pretty bad social and general anxiety which can impact me when meeting someone new.  Usually it takes me a bit to open up to people. Sometimes my anxiety causes me to worry too much over little or irrational things.  You can probably guess the difficulties this can lead to when dating especially online dating.

My irrational fears seem to get the best of me.  So far this happened twice in my online dating experience and caused me to lose the chance with two great guys. The first guy I was afraid to let things go further and open up to him.  It was solely my fault as to why things ended with this guy.  I should have given it another shot and not just get skittish and go the other way when I’m afraid or uncomfortable.  This is where my anxiety came into play and it causes me to constantly worry and takes forever to open up to someone new. I let my anxiety ruin things all the time and this is just another thing to add to that list.  It definitely sucked when it ended with this first guy and there was no way to salvage this without it being awkward for me and possibly him.

Basically when things start progressing or it’s time to start opening up I  either become closed off like a clam, skittish like a puppy, want to leave, avoid the situation entirely, or end things before move forward.  This anxiety thing sucks because it makes dating so difficult especially online dating where you have never met the person before so it’s more of a risk than usual.

Recently my anxiety got in the way of my dating and ruined what could have been a good thing between nice guy 2 and me . The gist of the story is that we went on a first date, texted a few times during the next week, and he asked for a second date.  Already had plans for that weekend and we couldn’t meet up.  Now, my anxiety kicks in.  See the rational part of my brain was like it’s fine just say you can get together the following weekend.  This would have been the best option but of course my anxious ways get the better of me.  My brain goes into overanalyzing and obsessing mode and my thoughts are all like you’re his backup plan bc he had no plans that weekend, our contact will fade during the week, what if another weekend isn’t good, he’s a last minute planner etc.  I’m sure you get the picture of my million irrational thoughts and fears.

So I didn’t hear from the guy over the weekend.  Even though I was hesitant and nervous I texted him Monday to see how his weekend went.  But I’m afraid to suggest anything and basically didn’t know what to do after that.  Basically my anxiety is keeping me from acting and it sucks. Partly I’m afraid to open up to the guy and then the whole asking at the last minute thing freaks me out because I’m a planner. So this is how I was unsuccessful with nice guy 2.  Uggh, having anxiety sucks and destroys everything especially things with guys.

What I’ve been learning is that my anxiety is ruining so many things even some of my good dates which sucks.  I need to cast it aside and take a leap of faith once in awhile but it’s so difficult to do.  I really don’t want another guy to slip through my fingers.  This is going to be my doom when dating.

Any one else out there have a problem like this or deal with anxiety?  Thoughts, tips, experiences related to it affecting dating? All I am doing is a downward spiral and

 

 

 

 

Dating Dilemma … My fault?

curious-last-minte-date-sound-desperate-flirting-ecards-someecards  pinterest-ecards

The below post kind of makes me feel both of these things from the date I had with a guy recently.

So, I ruined my chance with a great guy.  It sucks and is mainly my fault or so I think.  I’m kicking myself for not trying harder to plan another meet up with him. It is so hard to find a decent guy now a days, at least for me, that  I was excited about this guy. I guess he’ll be called nice guy because well he was nice during  our first meet up. But part of me thinks it’s both our faults that nothing else happened and not one hundred percent mine. Read on and give advice/feedback please.  Now onto the real issue: after our initial meet up he texted me that night and it continued throughout the week.  I was hopeful that there would be a second date or meet up but as the week progressed the hope faded.

On Friday night he texted saying he had no plans that weekend and would I want to hang out?  I was out of town that weekend and let him know that I would love to meet up but already had plans. He also asked really last minute.  I was probably his back up plan bc his other plans fell through or he’s just really awkward at asking girls out.  After that I heard nothing, nada, zero from him the whole weekend into Monday.  Now my anxiety kicked in and I was like I should have suggested an alternate weekend for us to plan something etc. but I didn’t.  Now all I was doing was obsessing about this and about how I blew it.  Monday I texted him to see how his weekend was and again we texted during the week and then he went silent for almost three days.  I get that everybody has lives and I don’t expect incessant texting.  All of a sudden he texted me yesterday, Saturday, but nothing about meeting up. Basically we texted Saturday and I haven’t heard from him since yesterday.  I asked about his weekend and he said he had no plans but had plans the following weekend.  Maybe that was a hint for me to ask for or plan a date/ hang out?  If it was I didn’t get it, wait let me re-phrase that: it took me awhile to get it.  At that point it was late to figure something out because it would have been extremely last minute.  Why, couldn’t he just ask me out or hint better or ask earlier?  Guys can be confusing sometimes.  Also, I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to dating and think the guy should take the lead on the first and second dates.  Maybe the guy just wanted me to plan the date idk but for some reason I think it’s my fault that it didn’t work out with this guy.  Help?

So, was this situation totally my fault? Should I have suggested an alternate weekend or planned something for today (Sunday)?  Did I blow it? Be honest and/or blunt it’s best to just say it like it is.  I feel like this whole situation is a gray area and can sway either way.  Any assistance is appreciated! Thanks!!

 

Dating Duds

Since staring online dating I have encountered many types of men and have learned from each experience even though some have left me shaking my head.  Figured I would give you all a dating update.  There are seriously a lot of characters and weirdos out there.  Below are some of the ones I encountered.  All ended up being fails:(

online-dating

The guys

 Indecisive guy:  This man was really sweet and a tad awkward but we dated for awhile.  After our first few dates I started to learn that he was really indecisive,could not make decisions, and was bad at communicating.  This one time he asked me out and basically typed this we could go to the museum or something.  Really you are almost thirty years old and cannot make a decision as to where to take me on a date?  Then I typed the museum is fine and then he could not make goes where do you want to eat before we go?  Ok dude we went on a few dates already you know what type of food I like and that I’m not picky so just suggest a restaurant. But no I wound up planning bc he literally could not make a decision and that happened again for the next date after that.  If a guy asks a woman out he should plan the date just like if I ask a guy out I will plan the date.  Due to his niceness I put up with this for a bit and then finally gave him the ax.  It took me planning a few dates when he asked me out and then one time I texted him about how I had fun on our date and didn’t hear form him for four days.  So in the end it was best that we went our seperate ways.  Note to all guys out there do not be indecisive and actually take the time to plan dates and don’t be lazy.

Sports guy:  He was a really great conversationalist.  We always had something to talk about, was not a one sided conversation, he was cute etc. We never met in person and he was the topic of my last Dating Dilemma post.  Sadly distance was a big factor as to why we didn’t meet up.  Also, I think I think he just kept saying we would meet up and flirt through text to keep me interested but had no true intentions to actually meeting in person.  My gut picked up on this but did I follow it no, I was trying to be the hopeful optimist and figured we would meet. Once he started referring to me as good looking like Hey what are you up to good looking instead of using my name I knew it was over and I was done.  So basically I learned two things from this: Always follow your gut and two guys will say anything to keep you hooked or seem like they are interested.  So, women reading this do yourself a favor and listen to your gut.  If it doesn’t feel right or you get suspicions about a guy you are most likely right so follow your gut.

GG guy:  This guy was nicknamed after Gilmore Girls bc he always talked about and watched the show.  He was nice and we had things in common. Everything was going great until he go really weird and started asking totally inappropriate questions.  Dude we didn’t even go out yet and your getting all freaky.  His true colors were shown and I was not thrilled.  No thanks GG guy, Bye Felicia!  So, yes there are dudes that are nice and seem genuine in the beginning and then get all weird.  Beware of these guys!

Creepy Pursuer guy:  This man could not take the hint that I was not interested.  I said it nicely but he could not take no for an answer.  He kept texting, leaving messages, called me, and kept viewing my profile.  So finally I blocked his number and profile.  Some guys just do not get it and think you are still interested even after you say no.  Shows how some people can not take no for an answer.

Dilemmas of Dating 2

 

So life has its way of throwing curve balls.  For some odd reason I am always the one who finds themselves in the way of these said curve balls.  In this instance it is screwing up my dating life or potential date with a guy.  Basically he is a great guy but it is the distance and timing issues which 100% sucks.

After talking to guys through the dating site and getting, ghosted, asked for a hook up, or dealing with creeps, I believe I found a decent guy.  We finally exchanged #’s and have been texting.  Everything has been going  well and we even want to meet in person.  The only problem is distance.  We live more than an hour apart which basically gives me little to no hope of this actually going anywhere.  Also, the dude is really new to his area down here.  So idk life why- I finally meet a decent guy and we hit it off (and he’s cute too) but distance puts a major wrench in things.  It totally blows because let’s just say we meet up and want to go out again.  The distance would be too much and well only be able to see each other on weekends.  I know what you all are thinking… Why can’t you meet up half way?  The problem with that is there is nothing to do halfway that is worth doing.  That also puts another wrench in the situation.  So I guess this was doomed from the start.

On the other hand I was the foolish one because I realized the distance but figured why not chat with him and see where it goes due to the lack of dudes in my area.  Seriously the same dudes keep rotating through my feed and it’s not like I live in the boondocks.  He messaged me first with a normal message instead of the typical hey or sup.  So that’s how we began talking and we haven’t stopped since.  So yeah that  was a bad move on my part even answering the message knowing how far apart we live.  But I truly thought of the distance factor for like a nano second and then just figured what the hell and answered his message.  Hey if I don’t try things I will not know what could happen or where things could lead even if it turns out to be a friendship or going nowhere.  The fact that he didn’t ghost on me in the middle of the conversation was a plus.  Also, I was not the one carrying the whole conversation due to him asking questions as well.  So I guess when I see a cute guy  and am having a good conversation with him my rational and practical thoughts go out the window. In a way this is bad because now I feel like I was giving this guy false hope due to how new he was to his area and he most likely didn’t know how far we lived from each other.  But in reality there was nothing that said how truly new he was to the area so I assumed he knew how far we lived.  Distance issue aside there is the chance that things with this guy will turn out to be a bust when/if we meet in person.  If we’re not compatible in person it would totally suck but I need to just keep on trucking and start searching again.  That would be a bummer!  So life your curve balls and impeccable timing are horrible as always. I’ve found a nice guy but the distance and timing isn’t right.  Why could we not live closer to make meeting up easier and I couldn’t have found this guy earlier in my searches.  I’ll see how this goes and I hope it works out for the best.  We shall see!