Break up Blues and the Single Life

So, as you readers know my boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago.  I’m not going to lie it was not an easy break up and took me awhile to work through the emotions from it.  In fact I am still processing things.  The hardest thing is missing the way he made me feel, his hugs, kisses, cuddling, and the fact that he was alway there to listen and talk things out with me.  It sucks when a person who was such a big part of your life leaves you and does not fight for your relationship.

Since, it has been months since the breakup I have thrown myself back into the dating pool.  It has been so dissapointing and made me miss my ex more than ever.  I am going into everything with an open mind but none of the men I have gone on dates with have lived up to my standards and expectations.  I do my best not to compare my dates to my ex but I wan to find someone who makes me feel like I did when I was with my ex. So far all I have found are guys who have no clue how to plan a date, the socially inept guys, narcissists, and players who just want sex.  My prospects are not looking too good.  I even asked friends if they knew any singles guys or if their significant others did but no luck there.

At times like these I just want my ex and would do anything to change the outcome of our relationship.  I had a connection with him that I did not have with any other guy I ever dated.  He treated me so well but he did not prioritize our relationship. I was like fourth on his list.  it went family, work, friends, sports, me.   I looked passed that for a long time because I loved him.  To me that was  a small problem in our relationship.  I am the one who always gives more without comparing or tit for tat.  But I guess it was causing more issues than I thought I let it all boil up which did not benefit our relationship.

Recently, I have been down and had the breakup blues.  I think of all the memories that we shared and could have shared, how he treated me, and how I felt around him which was always safe and comfortable.  We could just talk about anything together.  If I did not have a certain conversation one day then it would not have spurred him to break up with me.  I know that the last sentence is silly because even if that conversation didn’t take place it does not mean that our relationship would have continued for years and years.  But in my heart I truly feel that if I had decided to have that particular conversation after the holidays things would have worked out better.  Not saying how long we would have lasted because I can not predict the future.

Now, all I need to help me move on and get out of this funk is to find a man who causes me to have the same feelings that my ex did.  I want to experience the same feelings that I felt with my ex.  It’s like we were connected and could just tell how each other felt and what they were thinking without saying a word.  But of course everything wasn’t peachy keen otherwise we would not have broken up. I just want the new guy to make me feel safe, comfortable, listened to, and communicative with me about feelings, issues, and positive things.

I know it is crazy to think this way but since I have started dating again it just hasn’t been the same.  I just wonder where my ex and I would be at this point and how our relationship would have developed.  I know I need to just get over things but it is way more difficult than I thought.      But being back in the dating world has both helped and hindered me. It makes me see what a great man my ex was compared to the guys I have chatted with.  Seriously, there are some douche bags out there in world.

Realistically, I know things between us are done but i do cling to that tiny bit of hope where he will want to talk to me again and we will be friends. But, I know that it will not happen or he would have done it already. I also know that neither my breakup or relationship was as bad as others. Our differences lied in the following our views of relationship priority, his lack of communication skills about various topics and emotions.  But what’s done is done and there is no use crying over spilled milk.

What have you guys and gals done in situations like this?  What has helped you get over an ex? How long did it take you to get over an ex?  Have any of you reunited with an ex after certain period of time?

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Last minute Nellys or no date

Last Minute Nellys

So, I have noticed a trend with the men in my area: they either ask you out for a date at the last minute as in the day of the date or they do not have the initiative to actually ask you out.  There have been a few scenarios where the man will ask me Friday late afternoon for date that evening.  I am a planner and would have made plans by that point.  it makes me feel like a fall back option because nothing else worked out.  I totally understand spontaneity which to me goes something like this hey, my friend Joe just gave me tickets for tonight’s hockey game.  Would you be interested in going?  That is totally different than getting asked out a few hours before for date. That irks me because it shows that some guys have no respect for your time.  Spontaneous things I will say yes to but lack of planning for a first date I have no time for.

Non-Aggressive Men 

Now onto the non-aggressive men.  They piss me off too!  I’ll have conversations with guys and they fail to actually ask me on a date.  They hint at it or mention it but never have the balls to ask.  I’ve been there where I have asked the man on the date because he was to timid to do and it was big mistake.   After initiating the first date I had to do it with the second date was well.  Let’s just say that was a short lived relationship..I find that most men I encounter especially online from my area are like this and just with hint at or insinuate things but not get the kahunas to do it.  I mean how bad is it to ask a girl out to coffee or drinks?  the worst that can happen is she says no or you waste and hour or two of your time.  But majority of guys will have a good conversation going with you and then not ask you out.  So, its either don’t waste my time if you do not plan on asking  me out or just be a man and ask because you have nothing to lose.   I know it may cause and anxiety and can be scary but I have asked guys out and got over myself.  once you do it its not so bad.  Hey if you don’t ask her out for a first date then you could be missing out on and you could start dating a good person or make a new friend.

Men if you are reading this put more effort into to planning an actual date.  I’m not saying fancy restaurant but at least the basics such as date, time, and place and if you have been talking to a woman you really like ask her out instead of just using innuendos.  Last minute Nellys and you non-aggressive men take not and

I happened to find an article that summed up my feelings and beliefs about the these too timid men:

http://ruthiedean.com/2012/05/07/real-men-dont-text-mr-late-night-mr-last-minute/

 

Has anyone else experienced this down South?  How have you dealt with any of the types of men above? I know that I have not talked to them after awhile or gave them the boot.

 

Tres dates from Tinder …

So, I promised all of you readers out there that I would follow up with you after I went on my first Tinder date. My luck was greater than one because I had three Tinder dates with two different men,  I went on one date with one and two dates with the other.  I approached the dates with with no expectations or pre-conceived notions.   I was quite surprised and I think you will be too.

Date Uno

The first guy out of the two we will call B. I was hopeful about meeting B because we had good conversation over the app and through text. We set a date to meet but details were not finalized until the day of the date. This is a big turn off for me If you ask me out then plan the damn date.  I know I am at fault here too because I could have turned the date down.  I get that he is a busy guy because he is in grad school, works, and has a far commute for his job and school.  I totally understand that but it’s not an excuse for lack of planning and I did not get a good first impression of this guy.  He wanted to do things around his schedule which rubbed me the wrong way and it showed he had no consideration for me.  I had to tell him I could not do the time he originally suggested because I already had plans that night.  Since everything was do so last minute I as in no way canceling my plans.  If he planned earlier that would not have been an issue but i threw out times and he rejected them which annoyed me. I had these plans, a close friends birthday, before he asked me out.  When everything was finally set, I was more at ease.

Basically it was a low key date. We met at a coffee shop, tried to go to hike a local park but couldn’t find parking spots so we wound up going to a pub for a drink.  The date was going well because we were there for two hours and didn’t get kicked out or ask us to leave.  I was late to the party because we just had a good conversation flow going on and when we parted there was a mention of a second date the following weekend.

Update: Even though we clicked with conversation on the first date and chatted thereafter we ha don second date. According to him I will not “clique” with him and he would be too much for me (whatever that means).  It was fine and I’m cool with it.  That is what happens when you date.

 

Date Uno

The second first date I went on I enjoyed even better then the first one!  We will call this guy T. T planned ahead and picked a great brunch spot for our date.  He looked like his pictures but was defiantly heavier than his photos. Which means his photos were not recent.  But everything else checked out so I could get over the weight issue.  In reality post current pictures guys, it makes a difference.  We hit it off instantly and our conversation was non-stop.  T and I have visited some of the same places so we chatted about that. The waitress did not rush us out considered it was peak brunch time and packed.  We parted ways and that same night he texted me to let me know he had a great time.  Guess it is a good sign.  We chatted throughout the week and nothing was mentioned about a second date. So, I figured I would initiate a second date.  I threw out two options and he didn’t really seem to dig either of them nor did he suggest an alternative that he would like.  I just picked one and we went to a German beer hall/restaurant for our second date.

Date Dos

This date was initiated and planned by me.  It occurred a week after our second date and again we just chatted away and were not rushed out. T said he enjoyed this date was well and will defiantly like to go out again the upcoming weekend.  We have been talking since the second date and that is a another good sign.   I will have to wait and see what happens for a third date.  The ball is in his court now since I initiated and planned the second date.

 

The two first dates I had showed me that there are decent guys on Tinder.  I found them with a lot of filtering through matches.  I am pretty picky in general but even more so on Tinder due to its reputation.  I was glad that I went  on both dates.  Even if no second date came it was still a good experienced.

Even though the dates turned out good it is so much work to get a response or find decent men.  Sometimes all of the work that I need to go through makes me want to stay single.

 

 

 

 

 

An insight to an ending

So, over the past few weeks I have been thinking about my ex a lot. This was by far my worst breakup and I think the fact that I did not get closure and how much of a shock the break up was deeply affected me. I try not to replay events that occurred during our relationship and wonder what could have been between us.

One point that stuck out recently was a discussion my ex and I had about the ending of the book Brooklyn by: Colm Tobin. We both read the book and discussed it. The ending of the novel was a rather tricky discussion for us because we both had different viewpoints about how the novel closed. I agreed with the ending and stated my reasons why and my ex did not agree with the ending and stated his reasons why. It was a fun discussion and neither of us bashed each because of our views. When everything was said and done we never brought up the book again but i have always remembered the discussion.

Recently, a close family member read the book and we discussed it and of course talked about the ending.  For those of you that don’t know the ending of the book: Eilis, main character, chooses to travel back to Brooklyn to be with Tony, a young man she married, instead of stay in her hometown of  Einscorthy, Ireland with a man she met named Jim.  We discussed the ending and it took me back to when my ex and I were talking about it.  It was eye opening rememberance  now because of how that long ago conversation about the book that I had with my ex was  foreshadowing of our relationship history.  I was the more spontaneous, adventurous and emotional one.  He was the one who played it safe, wouldn’t take risks, was logical, and unemotional.  I guess I did not think of it then but that’s how our relationship was.  He would not get out of his comfort zone or his hometown town to explore other areas or be spontaneous with me.  He would want to stay close to his home or do things that were convienet or comfortable to him.  He was a lot like Jim in the story.  I was more like Eilis because I wanted to experience different things and have new adventures instead of do the same things or stay in the same place.

In regards to our discussion about the ending of the book I agreed with the ending of the story believing that Elish saw that there was no future or growth for her in Ireland.  She would be in the same town she grew up in with the same people of her past who will not not let her forget her past and would always remind her of it. Also, there are not many opportunities for her to travel or have a career in her hometown or while she was with  Jim. Yes, Eilis would have had a comfortable life with Jim, who was  was very content running the pub for the rest of his life, but I could sense Eilis wanted more than the simple life.

My ex disagreed and said that Elish would have been better off staying with Jim because he has a stable job and would be able to provide for Eilis.  He did no think it was right how Eilis left Jim without truly saying goodbye.  He thought that Jim would be the better choice for Eilis than Tony would have because he felt that she could have better and more stable life in Ireland than she could in America.  His opinion was fine but I should have really listened and saw the similarities between things but I didn’t.

Our discussion foreshadowed the ending of our relationship.  I wanted more effort put into our relationship, I was the more adventurous one, and I could not sit in the same place on a couch all day and watch the world pass me by.  Basically things ended in part  because he played it too safe like Jim and would not initiate plans or explore new places like Tony.  So, that is partly how it ended and what influenced it’s end.  Oh, boy, I love this book but after that convo with my family member it made me think so much about my last relationship.   I think I need to take the advice of the quote below and just move forward and start a new.

Weekly Wonders: Beauty Products

Fresh: Rose Face Mask

I was expecting a stellar performance from this product due to the quality and popularity of the Fresh brand.  It underwhelmed me a whole bunch.  I received this product as sample from Sephora and figured I would give it a try.  It smelled great and had pieces of rose petals in it.   It is gel like, goes on smoothly, and is not clumpy.  It dries naturally so you can forget you put it on your face if you are not timing the length of wear.  I was not happy with it because I did not recognize any difference in my skin.  I used it for about two weeks and didn’t feel like it actually did anything except make my face feel clean.  Let me know if you have used the product before and what you have thought of it.  Leave a comment in the comment section below.

Origins: Charcoal Mask

I love this mask!  It is amazing and I have been using it for years!  My skin looks and feels great after it’s use. This product does not irritate my skin which is a plus because tons of products do leave my skin red, blotchy, or broken out.  This product is thick and messy when applying but stays on the skin and is not watery.  Once the mask is applied you let it sit on your face still it is dry and cracking.  After you wash it off and it does take a bit of time to get off all of the charcoal mask.  After using this for a few weeks I have noticed a difference in my skin although this charcoal mask does not remove all of the blackheads.  This mask works great for me and remains a staple in my beauty routine. What are your reviews on this product?  What are some recommendations of other Origins products to try?

LORAC: Black Tie Affair Eyeshawdow Palette

I ordered this product from Ulta during their Black Friday sale.  I have been trying this product since i have received it and have liked it so far.  I like to experiment with my shades and mix colors.  I am not a fan of dark colors due to my fair skin coloring.  Usually I use the lighter shades for my daily look and will occasionally put on a dark hue on a night out or fancy event.  The shadows on this palette are natural, silky, and have lasted most of the day.  I like how the colors are natural and how the colors work well with a natural look.  So far I am loving this palette so go try it out today!  FYI, I own both palettes and love them!  I use the darker shaded palette for nights out or fancy events. Any other users of this particulate palette on here?  If so, what are the pros and cons of it? Just seeing what others like and love about these eyshawdows.

Smashbox Photo Finish Hydrating Primer

This is a new primer for me.  Previous to this one I have not consistently used primer as part of my makeup routine.  I went to Sephora and was recommend this primer.  It is very pricy and I took a leap of faith on this one.  I  do like that it feels lightweight on my skin and does not feel heavy.  Honestly I cannot tell if it makes a difference in my makeup application or if it makes my makeup goes on smoother.  It is lightweight and does not feel heavy on my skin.  I will need to use this product more to see how it works.  Reviews of this hydrating primer?  Does it help your makeup routine?

Neutrogena Healthy Volume Waterproof Mascara

My go-to mascara by Tarte is quite expensive so I figured I would try a drugstore one for the time being.  My eyes are extremely sensitive to mascara so this limits me to certain brands mainly ones that are hypoallergenic.  I saw Neutrogena and waterproof in the name and I had to grab this product and try it out.  My Tarte mascara would always run or smudge during the day  or night.  I wanted to try a waterproof mascara to see how it will last during the day or night. I used it for a day and night and it lasted and did not irritate my eyes.  I applied the mascara  I started my day and it lasted until late into the night. There was no smudging or running of the mascara.  I was able to get good length by applying a few coats of the product and it was a bit clumpy.  But all of that was worth it for it to be waterproof and not cause my eyes to be red.  I will definitely be adding this to my makeup routine.  I do not like it as much as I do my Tarte mascara but it comes pretty close.  Let me know your thoughts and experiences with this product. 

Music Mood

It was forever ago that I published one of these posts!  I became inspired to write one again after listening to an old iPod I  found.  On it was all the music I listened to in high school and college.  It definitely gave me nostalgia and was a blast from the past!  I love when stations play older songs!

All The Small Things: Blink-182

Sugar We’re Going Down: Fall Out Boy

I Write Sins Not Tragedies: Pan!c at the Disco

How To Save a Life: The Fray

American Idiot: Green Day

Gives You Hell: The All American Rejects

Independence: The Band Perry

Anything but Ordinary: Avril Lavigne

The Great Escape: Boys Like Girls

Let it Rock: Kevin Rudolf

Mr. Brightside: The Killers

Trouble: P!nk

Rhythm of Love: Plain White T’s

What are some of your favorite songs or bands from back in the day?

First and Only Birchbox

So, I was so excited to order my first Birchbox for the month of December after hearing so many good things about it from friends.  Of course they convinced me to subscribe and I was excited to see that my BirchBox arrived in the mail this afternoon.  It was packaged nicely and liked that there was a card describing all of the products included in the box. Since this was a holiday box a small mirror was included. This is sweet but cannot be used for travel or in purse do to the fact that it is only one sided without a cover to protect the mirror.  So this item was a waste for the company to make and waste to place in the box.  This mirror will probably be headed to the trash because there is no way to keep it from getting scratched or broken.

Now on to the fun stuff!  The items in the box!  I am so happy that there were no perfume samples in here because I hate those.

IPKN Radiant Cream Primer

This is such a simple product design and it is so adorable!  This is a primer and has SPF 15 in it. I will let you know how this product feels and works.  I occasionally use primer in my makeup routine.  I should probably use primer more often than I should.  So I will let you know how it goes.

Real Chemistry Luminous 3 minute Peel

I am nervous about this product due to my sensitive skin.  This could irritate my skin so I’ll see what happens after I use it.  It will be my first peel mask.

Wilma Schumann European Skincare: Hydrating Collagen Eye Pads

This product looks very fancy.  I have not used eye pads before and am willing to try them out.  I am not a fan of these types of products and do not use anything like them in my skincare routine.  Since there is only one set of pads I do not know if I would be able to see a difference in the skin around my eyes after only one use.

Ardency Inn: Modster Eyeliner

This eyeliner is supposed to be waterproof so I will see if that is true.  I am not a fan of eyeliner and it is not part of my daily makeup routine.  I will try it or give it to a family member or friend to try it out and report on the results.

Amika: Perk Up Dry Shampoo

I am excited to try this dry shampoo!  It smells amazing and the bottle is adorable!  I due use dry shampoo on my hair so that I do not have to wash it or use the blow dryer on my hair.  I have seen a vast improvement in the quality of my hair from doing this.  I will have to let you know how it goes when I use this product.

Overall, I was not sure impressed with this box.  It is more like samples I could get from Sephora for products that I do not really use or need.  So far Birchbox does not seem like it is worth the money each month.  I will stay subscribed until next month to see what products are sent.  If I like the products I will stay subscribed.  It the products are lackluster I will stop subscribing to the service.  I’ll keep you posted.

Have any of you tried these products? If so, what do you think of them?

Also is Birchbox worth it in the long run?  I was not super impressed with my first box.

**An update to this post since it was written awhile ago and I have had time with the products that Birchbox sent to me.   All of the products seemed like quality products but were not ones I would use frequently with the exception of one product.  The dry shampoo I have loved so much.  It worked well and smells amazing!  Overall I was not impressed with the products sent to me and that can be due to the fact that I do not use many of those products.  I will not be subscribing to Birchbox again due to my lack of interest int he products of the first box.