Pub Crawl Revelations

So, last weekend some friends and I went to a bar crawl around my neighborhood.  It was fun and I had an absolute blast!  However, I was not expecting things to get deep and revelational with my friends.  It could have been the alcohol talking but what they said and topics they touched upon hit a nerve with me.  The convo focused on a topic that I did not want to focus on but was probably meant to be focused of on that day: relationships.  It was one of those things that just seemed to happen at the right time under completely odd circumstances.  So let me not leave you hanging and dive into what the pub-crawl and alcohol my friend’s consumed reveal.  Like the saying goes the only honest people are children and drunks.

Relationships

Some friends at the pub crawl are in either new or long term relationships.  So, of course we talk about relationships and guys.  I mention how I am single, looking for a compatible man, exes, and what makes a good relationship.  I was saying how I wish that I was in a relationship because most of my friends are in long term relationships, engaged, or married.  For me it is frustrating to see others find a good companion and I am struggling to even get dates.  It is like I want to give up and just be single for the rest of my life.  I  know the former statement is totally ridiculous but at this rate I am batting zero.

One of my friends who is in a long term relationship and getting ready to move in with her boyfriend basically vented and said things that I didn’t want to hear and never thought about.  She was a bit drunk so it could be the alcohol talking but she basically said that I am lucky to be single.  My jaw nearly hit the floor.  She said that I was lucky because I was able to do what I wanted and go wherever I please without worrying about a significant other.  She said that couples and relationships can seem perfect from the outside but you do not know what things are like behind closed doors or what is not shown on social media. She gave up certain things for her relationship like going out with friends on weekends, certain freedoms, hanging out with just her friends or family.  She has to accommodate her boyfriend and deal with some people she didn’t like or she could not just go out by herself sometimes or felt guilty when she did.  Basically, she said that I should not rush or wish that I was in a serious relationship because you do not know the sacrifices people make and ultimately give up certain freedoms you have when you are single.  SO, guess I realized that maybe not all couples are truly happy and that some people stay in unsatisfying relationships due to societal or family pressures or to keep up with the Jonses.  Also, my friend maybe was being for than a bit honest because she was drunk and possibly not fully happy in her current relationship.

For now I am single and will continue to search for a man that is my perfect fit.  I mean there is a little part of me that wants to experience the love that my friends are experiencing.  That is what I want right now is love and companionship.

The Law of Attraction

No, this has nothing to do with attracting guys.  I had a feeling you would be thinking that based on the above section.  This had to do with a more philosophical approach to life and thoughts. is the belief that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life. The simple version of this is that we attract whatever we think about good or bad.

My friends basically told me instead of comparing myself to my non-single friends and wishing I had what they had I should be happy for them, I should change my way of thinking about seeking a relationship and how I feel about others relationships.  If I bring out positive vibes about those topics then positive vibes will come back to me.  This positive thinking applies to every thing in life.  Basically this was a wake up call to me and that I need to start viewing things in a more positive light and get a little happier.  I should not envy what people have or what type of relationships they are in.  Instead I should be supportive and happy for them and wish them the best and that their relationship flourishes.  This was an awesome conversation I had with some of my friends and one that was surely uncommon to be discussed int he middle of a bar with drunkards all around.  I have realized that septimes good and needed things happen in the most unusual places.  This was one of those times and it was a conversation that has impacted me for the better.  But that is some serious stuff going on at the bar.

 

The above topics and conversations helped make the bar crawl very memorable.  If this is what the first one looks like then I can’t imagine hat the next pub-crawl will look like.  I am so excited to see what happens anss what things we talk about next.

 

 

 

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Lip Loving

Recently I have been obsess with a variety of lip colors  and wanted to explore different colors and new brands.

Clinique Chubby Stick Moisturizing Lip Colour Balm in Mega Melon

 

This is the perfect summertime color!  I have loved using this lip product so far!  It adds a natural pop of color to my lips and can go with any outfit or with a night and day makeup look.  The variety of colors are amazing and I going to purchase more colors.  If you have any color recommendations let me know.  This is my new favorite lip product!  I can not wait to go and purchase new colors!

Bobbi Brown: Blue Raspberry

This is my favorite lipstick of all time!  I love it and have been using since college.  I love this color and it is such a classic.  One day I would like to get more colors from Bobbi Brown but for now I am set on this shade.  This is my go to shade an a classic one at that.  I love it and it has been in my makeup bag for the past few years!  A classic staple that will never fade.

Urban Decay: Sheer Liar

This is another lip product that I have been using on the regular now and I enjoy the color it adds to my lips and makeup routine.  I do not like how little it lasts.  It does not last long and fades rather quickly.  If you are looking for a color that stays the whole day then this is not the product for you.  I do like the natural look that this product provides for me and it is not an intense color for me or my makeup routine.  I will be interested to try another natural color from them in the future.

Benefit They’re Real Double the Lip: Nude Scandal

This is pretty expensive but well worth the price!  I love this product and will definitely buy again once I am out of this product.  It is part lip liner and lipstick.  So the top part is the lip liner and the bottom is the lipstick.  You apply the lip liner first and then apply the lipstick.  The colors match my natural lips so it adds just the right amount of color.  I would not have know about this lip product if the Sephora employee did not recommend it to me.  So, kudos to her for knowing such a good product.

Burt’s Bees Lip Balms

I love, love, love these although sadly I have ruined way too many of them by leaving them in my pockets and they wound up washed and I had to throw them in the trash.  But these lip balms are amazing!  They keep my lips hydrated and most throughout the day plus they smell great which is a plus.  The price is a little bit much compared to regular chapstick but it is totally worth it!

Not so lovable Lip Products

L’Oreal Riche Lipstick: Tropical Coral

This brand is great but the color of this lipstick is not.  For some ladies this might be a complementing color but for me it is not.  It is way to bright for me and does not work for most of my outfits.  Maybe if I was more tan than this color would work better for me.  So, I will be trying another color from this brand to see if it works for me.

Sephora Collection: Sweet Balm

The packaging is very cute on this product but the the product itself is another story.  It does not offer a hint of color unless you apply like 4 coats of it.  Plus the color is very bright pink which is too much for me so I am not loving it at all.  For some people the color might work but me it is just too much and I look a bit ridiculous with all of that pink on my lips.  This has been one of the worst products that I have used in a long time and I am sorry that I bought it.

Lip Products to Try:

Bobbi Brown Crushed Lip Color

I want to try this lipstick so badly!  I am in love with Bobbi Brown products and will just have to get my hands on this lipstick.  the packaging is so cute! I like the new take on the lipstick tube compared to the traditional tube of the Bobbi Brown lipsticks. In the meantime I will have to read reviews about it before I purchase the item.  Have any of you used this products?  What do you think of them?

M.A.C Lipstick

I have not tried nay M.A.C lipsticks yet and have heard so many good things about these products.  Plus the lipstick tube is so cute. I know they are known for their reds but I am not a red person.  Anyone have any color recommendations for a natural color for fair skin?  Let me know in the comments below.

 

Let me know some of your favorite lip products in the comments below! 

 

An insight to an ending

So, over the past few weeks I have been thinking about my ex a lot. This was by far my worst breakup and I think the fact that I did not get closure and how much of a shock the break up was deeply affected me. I try not to replay events that occurred during our relationship and wonder what could have been between us.

One point that stuck out recently was a discussion my ex and I had about the ending of the book Brooklyn by: Colm Tobin. We both read the book and discussed it. The ending of the novel was a rather tricky discussion for us because we both had different viewpoints about how the novel closed. I agreed with the ending and stated my reasons why and my ex did not agree with the ending and stated his reasons why. It was a fun discussion and neither of us bashed each because of our views. When everything was said and done we never brought up the book again but i have always remembered the discussion.

Recently, a close family member read the book and we discussed it and of course talked about the ending.  For those of you that don’t know the ending of the book: Eilis, main character, chooses to travel back to Brooklyn to be with Tony, a young man she married, instead of stay in her hometown of  Einscorthy, Ireland with a man she met named Jim.  We discussed the ending and it took me back to when my ex and I were talking about it.  It was eye opening rememberance  now because of how that long ago conversation about the book that I had with my ex was  foreshadowing of our relationship history.  I was the more spontaneous, adventurous and emotional one.  He was the one who played it safe, wouldn’t take risks, was logical, and unemotional.  I guess I did not think of it then but that’s how our relationship was.  He would not get out of his comfort zone or his hometown town to explore other areas or be spontaneous with me.  He would want to stay close to his home or do things that were convienet or comfortable to him.  He was a lot like Jim in the story.  I was more like Eilis because I wanted to experience different things and have new adventures instead of do the same things or stay in the same place.

In regards to our discussion about the ending of the book I agreed with the ending of the story believing that Elish saw that there was no future or growth for her in Ireland.  She would be in the same town she grew up in with the same people of her past who will not not let her forget her past and would always remind her of it. Also, there are not many opportunities for her to travel or have a career in her hometown or while she was with  Jim. Yes, Eilis would have had a comfortable life with Jim, who was  was very content running the pub for the rest of his life, but I could sense Eilis wanted more than the simple life.

My ex disagreed and said that Elish would have been better off staying with Jim because he has a stable job and would be able to provide for Eilis.  He did no think it was right how Eilis left Jim without truly saying goodbye.  He thought that Jim would be the better choice for Eilis than Tony would have because he felt that she could have better and more stable life in Ireland than she could in America.  His opinion was fine but I should have really listened and saw the similarities between things but I didn’t.

Our discussion foreshadowed the ending of our relationship.  I wanted more effort put into our relationship, I was the more adventurous one, and I could not sit in the same place on a couch all day and watch the world pass me by.  Basically things ended in part  because he played it too safe like Jim and would not initiate plans or explore new places like Tony.  So, that is partly how it ended and what influenced it’s end.  Oh, boy, I love this book but after that convo with my family member it made me think so much about my last relationship.   I think I need to take the advice of the quote below and just move forward and start a new.

The Margarita Confessionals

So, I was looking stuff up on the internet and stumbled upon this website Sound Cloud  featuring podcasts of The Margarita Confessionals.  The name was catchy and the topics were right up my alley so there was nothing else to do besides  hit play.  Of course their focus is on dating, current dating trends, online dating apps, and dating struggles.  Majority of the topics covered are relatable to me in my life at this time and my dating situation.  I enjoyed what I heard and thought both Ali & Lauren were entertaining.  Since it was a site called Sound Cloud, as its I was not that familiar with, I googled Margarita confessionals to see if their was website.  There was and of course I clicked around.  It is a nicely designed website and I liked reading how both women created the idea for The Margarita Confessionals.  It is very creative name and it is crazy to see how a simple idea they had came to fruition for both women.  If you are in a dating rut, have dating on your mind, or are looking for something interesting to listen to definitely check out their website and take a listen to what they have.

The Margarita Confessionals: http://www.themargaritaconfessionals.com

The Margarita Confessionals Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/themargaritaconfessionals

Go check out the above links today!

 

To the next woman in his life….

I had the idea for this post after reflecting on all of the good times my ex and I have shared and the reasons why our relationship lasted so long without major problems.  This is what I would have to say if I was ever asked about or had to talk about my ex or need to give advice to the next woman in his life.

To the next woman who will date my ex,

First off, let me say that you are a lucky gal because you found a man who is respectful, will care about you, keep you safe, listen to you, remember the little things you say, make sure you got home safe, and not pressure you to do anything that is not comfortable.  There are not many men in the dating scene who are like this and all of the above qualities are important in a relationship.  You are probably surprised that I  am having a positive take and not jumping on the negative train and bashing my ex.  Yes, there were qualities that made us incompatible or things in our relationship that he did not want to compromise on like giving up a Friday night out with his co-workers to spend time with me.  Another big thing is that if  you live far from his town it will be a struggle to get him to visit you because he doesn’t like to drive too far or he will come up with an excuse as to why he can’t make it up your way.  Some of those items above might be major issues for you but both of you should  try your hardest to work through the issues.  Look for the good despite the bad and remember why the both of you began dating in the first place.  That will help a lot trust me!

Everyone has unlikable e traits and both parties contribute to a relationship failure.  There are things I did or said that caused some problems in our relationship.  I am not perfect and neither is he but he is genuine and will do his best in the relationship.  Its just sometimes what he thinks is best is not good enough and is not enough to make the relationship work (at least in my relationship with him).  Also, settling is not good either and neither of you should settle on each other.  Both of you should be head over heels in love with each other.  So never settle and do not continue the relationship if you feel like you are settling.  It will be better to say how you are feeling than lead him on.  Please do not hurt his feelings.  That he does not deserve!  He deserves to be treated with respect and care.

It is important to be patient with him because he moves slower than other men and it will take him time to open up to you.   Just be there for him and  if you go fast slow down a bit for him.  He will listen to what you are saying and try but it does not mean things will change within your relationship and might cause frictions between the two of you.  Yes, relationships are not perfect but make sure you always communicate even about the tough stuff.  He might not like that you are being straight up with him and he will get defensive and complain but this is important.  Never just sit back and let things fester because then it will blow up in both of your faces. we never screamed or yelled at each other but always talked things out even if it was tough stuff.  For me it was always about the open line of communication.  This helped us work through things not everything but majority of things.  So, do that even if it is awkward or hurtful.  Something that festers is not good an leads to even more problems.

My advice to you is to enjoy the moments you spend together and be happy that you found one of the good guys.  The guy that will always listen, care about you, and want you to be a part of his life, he might be a bit shy and a tad bit awkward but he is well worth it and an upstanding guy.  So, definitely work through the tough stuff and so everything you can to stay together.  Show him that you will not give up and sometimes you might need to be blunt for him to realize your feelings or how things are affecting you.  But most important of all do not give up on this relationship and do whatever you can to make it work!  You have fantastic guy so be thankful and appreciate everything that you have in the relationship and if things do not work out try to end things well.  try to part o n good terms.  Ours was not on that great of terms and it sucked for me.  But I still wish him well and hope that you both respect and treat each other right!

Best wish,

His past girlfriend

 

 

 

So Love Sucks …

So, My last relationship crashed and burned after 10 months.  It started out good and we were both infatuated with each other.  As our relationship progressed there were differences that he did not want to work through.  Differences were not major but to him they were. It was things like,   It was devastating because I had invested so much into the relationship and thought we would be together for a long time.  However, I felt undervalued during our relationship and not seen as a priority.  For him it was family, work, friends, hockey/soccer, then Amanda (me).  I was basically worked into his schedule at his convience.  That is not how a relationship is supposed to work.  I understand work and family being at the top of a priority list before a relationship but putting friends, co-workers, and sports above me is just wrong.

There were signs throughout the course of the relationship that demonstrated that his lack of prioritizing me.  Two major occurrences were asking me to spend time with him for five hours on one weekend because he had to go to the hockey game with his friends.  Stupid me would drive out to see him for five hours because that was the only time I would get to see him all week.  Another thing that caused issues in our relationship was his refusal to give up or invite me to hang out with his co-workers or friends on Friday nights.  I asked him if he could give up one or two Fridays  with his buddies so that we could spend more time together and he balked at the idea.  Both of those things  should have been red flags about how committed he was to me and our relationship. Since he didn’t give up Friday nights we  hardly spent time together.  We would see each other once a week or for a few hours over a weekend.  That is the only time I would see him for the whole week and it sucked.  Looking back it was more like a friendship than a relationship.The quote below sums up the above and it’s so sad that things were not ended sooner.  But hey you live and you learn and I will not make that mistake again.

Signs that my relationship was doomed:

  • I was not a priority in the relationship
  • He never called on the phone or wanted to talk on the phone
  • Never wanted to come visit me in my town or at my place (we lived about 40 min drive from each other)
  • Never gave up a Friday night with co-workers or invited me to hangout out with them during the 10 months
  • Thought it was acceptable to see me for 5 hours and then I had to wait seven days to see him again
  • We never spent a whole weekend  together (Fri-Sun or Sat.& Sun) while we were dating.  There was always an excuse of how he had to visit friends or family the next day so I would have leave in the morning or not stay the night
  • Whenever I communicated something that bothered me he always got defensive
  • Never expressed his feelings: like if things were bothering him
  • Never expressed emotion or said how he was feeling about the relationship
  • Never wanted to discuss emotions or feelings in the relationship

I am not bashing him at all because the success of our relationship did not have anything to do with how he treated me.  He was a gentleman, was very nice, and respectful toward me.  However, niceness does not mean that a romantic relationship is going to work or is meant to be.  Despite his gentlemanly status, he was not ready to be in a romantic relationship (at least one with me) based on the lack of prioritization, lack of emotional communication, and hardly ant effort put into making our relationship successful.  Just because a man treats you right does not justify a lack of effort in a relationship nor does it mean that you should remain int he relationship because the person is nice and kind.

All of his good qualities are what made me love him, fight for our relationship, and not speak up as much as I should have. At the end of the day we had a friendship going on and not a true romantic relationship. The way things ended between us hurt me to my core and made me sad a long while. I kept going over events and decisions in our relationship to figure out what I could have changed or done better.  No matter how many times I re evaluated events and occurrences it does change the fact that we are broken up.  There are no guarantees or crystal balls in life and even if we did not break up when we did and stayed together there is no way to know if we would have lasted.  No matter how many times I replay things in my mind it does not mean things would have ended up with us being together forever  We could have just broken up at a different point in time.

 

Now, after doing my best to get over this man, I have jumped back in to the online dating realm which seems to have gotten worse than I remember it.  I’ll try my luck at meeting another man who I will be compatible with.

Below are quotes the sum up what I want in a relationship.  Hopefully I can find a man that can live up to both quotes one day.  I thought I found a man who could live up to these but apparently not since our relationship has ended.

Be on the look out for a post about my current dating adventures, mishaps, and crazy stories!  This is bound to be an interesting journey and one where I branch out and try new dating sites!  I’ll see how it goes and will keep an open mind to the process.

Guess who is back … back again

So, it is safe to say that I have been missing from this blog for a few months. It is not something I planned on happening but it did and I am ready to jump back on the bandwagon!
I have missed blogging so much and in lieu of logging on here the notes on my iPhone is chock full of future posts and ideas! The pas few months have been emotional and frustrating for me due to certain things happening the holiday, difficulties in my relationship (which is now non-existent), family, career, and self worth. All of those factors were overwhelming and resulted in me not blogging like I should have done. Blown helps me connect with others, express my ideas, and document aspects of my life an thinking during my life. So, I am back and excited to finally start positing again. I am not sure how frequently I will blog, most likely as fast as I can edit and elaborate on those ideas and posts in my iPhone notes. so, cheers for now and see you soon!

XoXo ~ Amanda