So Love Sucks …

So, My last relationship crashed and burned after 10 months.  It started out good and we were both infatuated with each other.  As our relationship progressed there were differences that he did not want to work through.  Differences were not major but to him they were. It was things like,   It was devastating because I had invested so much into the relationship and thought we would be together for a long time.  However, I felt undervalued during our relationship and not seen as a priority.  For him it was family, work, friends, hockey/soccer, then Amanda (me).  I was basically worked into his schedule at his convience.  That is not how a relationship is supposed to work.  I understand work and family being at the top of a priority list before a relationship but putting friends, co-workers, and sports above me is just wrong.

There were signs throughout the course of the relationship that demonstrated that his lack of prioritizing me.  Two major occurrences were asking me to spend time with him for five hours on one weekend because he had to go to the hockey game with his friends.  Stupid me would drive out to see him for five hours because that was the only time I would get to see him all week.  Another thing that caused issues in our relationship was his refusal to give up or invite me to hang out with his co-workers or friends on Friday nights.  I asked him if he could give up one or two Fridays  with his buddies so that we could spend more time together and he balked at the idea.  Both of those things  should have been red flags about how committed he was to me and our relationship. Since he didn’t give up Friday nights we  hardly spent time together.  We would see each other once a week or for a few hours over a weekend.  That is the only time I would see him for the whole week and it sucked.  Looking back it was more like a friendship than a relationship.The quote below sums up the above and it’s so sad that things were not ended sooner.  But hey you live and you learn and I will not make that mistake again.

Signs that my relationship was doomed:

  • I was not a priority in the relationship
  • He never called on the phone or wanted to talk on the phone
  • Never wanted to come visit me in my town or at my place (we lived about 40 min drive from each other)
  • Never gave up a Friday night with co-workers or invited me to hangout out with them during the 10 months
  • Thought it was acceptable to see me for 5 hours and then I had to wait seven days to see him again
  • We never spent a whole weekend  together (Fri-Sun or Sat.& Sun) while we were dating.  There was always an excuse of how he had to visit friends or family the next day so I would have leave in the morning or not stay the night
  • Whenever I communicated something that bothered me he always got defensive
  • Never expressed his feelings: like if things were bothering him
  • Never expressed emotion or said how he was feeling about the relationship
  • Never wanted to discuss emotions or feelings in the relationship

I am not bashing him at all because the success of our relationship did not have anything to do with how he treated me.  He was a gentleman, was very nice, and respectful toward me.  However, niceness does not mean that a romantic relationship is going to work or is meant to be.  Despite his gentlemanly status, he was not ready to be in a romantic relationship (at least one with me) based on the lack of prioritization, lack of emotional communication, and hardly ant effort put into making our relationship successful.  Just because a man treats you right does not justify a lack of effort in a relationship nor does it mean that you should remain int he relationship because the person is nice and kind.

All of his good qualities are what made me love him, fight for our relationship, and not speak up as much as I should have. At the end of the day we had a friendship going on and not a true romantic relationship. The way things ended between us hurt me to my core and made me sad a long while. I kept going over events and decisions in our relationship to figure out what I could have changed or done better.  No matter how many times I re evaluated events and occurrences it does change the fact that we are broken up.  There are no guarantees or crystal balls in life and even if we did not break up when we did and stayed together there is no way to know if we would have lasted.  No matter how many times I replay things in my mind it does not mean things would have ended up with us being together forever  We could have just broken up at a different point in time.

 

Now, after doing my best to get over this man, I have jumped back in to the online dating realm which seems to have gotten worse than I remember it.  I’ll try my luck at meeting another man who I will be compatible with.

Below are quotes the sum up what I want in a relationship.  Hopefully I can find a man that can live up to both quotes one day.  I thought I found a man who could live up to these but apparently not since our relationship has ended.

Be on the look out for a post about my current dating adventures, mishaps, and crazy stories!  This is bound to be an interesting journey and one where I branch out and try new dating sites!  I’ll see how it goes and will keep an open mind to the process.

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