So, this will be a venting post. Just a forewarning to those who hate these type of posts or don’t care. I have felt so lonely in love and friendship lately. The people who should be there for me have not been. Those people have only cared about themselves and contact me during their time of need, when they want something, or when it is convenient for them which totally sucks. It hurts even more because I am not like that and will always listen and check in to see how one of those friends is doing. But lately all is quiet on the home front and I have not heard a peep from my so called friends. I have had a better time with new friends than with my oldest ones. Go figure how that works. I have been friends with these chicks since high school and once I moved they have not wanted to maintain the friendship. It hurts so much to just move and try and try to keep the friendship going but it is them who do not want it to continue. I seriously did nothing wrong and have gotten left out of so many things. I know distance is a factor but when they “friends” come by my town they always want me to be the one to drive to them or go out of my way. It was frustrating and in the process caused me to reflect and question the friendships. Basically, I reanalyzed how and who I make friends with and have become a lot more cautious and leary of people. It’s bad in the long run but don’t want to rush into friendships anymore.
This past year I have learned a major lesson regarding friends and just keep most people at arm’s length. That’s a safe distance until I know I can trust them. Not the best strategy but it’s one that seems to work for me.
In love I have been the lonely spinster for a long time. I am now at the age where people are getting married, engaged, or in relationships. It sucks to see others so happy and here I am still looking for a guy. At this point I have been single for so long it seems fruitless to keep going on bad first date after bad first date. I feel like I have exhausted online dating with not much luck. There are more crazies, sleaze balls, and weirdos in the cyberworld for me. All I want to do is be with someone who cares and who will stand by me no matter what. Most of my friends and co-workers are married, in love, or in relationships and it is awkward to be the lonesome one. I know some people are happy single and that is totally cool so I am not knocking being single. I have friends who are happy single women.
During long term relationships I was the one who went out of their way all of the time and always listen but its all for nothing. I am the sucker and the one who gets screwed all of the time. Some things I do because I am a genuinely nice person and most times I do not expect things in return. Maybe I should just start calling people out on their shit. My niceness is most likely the root of part the problem there. But, for now I’ll settle on being single while still looking for the man who compliments me.
This has been a post where I just get my thoughts down but it is these types of posts that lead to realizations for me. In this case it is friendships, niceness, and relationships. Hopefully they all lead to positive changes in those aspects of my life.