Dating Dilemma … Anxiety

 

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So, I came to the realization that my anxiety is getting in the way of my dating life.  I have pretty bad social and general anxiety which can impact me when meeting someone new.  Usually it takes me a bit to open up to people. Sometimes my anxiety causes me to worry too much over little or irrational things.  You can probably guess the difficulties this can lead to when dating especially online dating.

My irrational fears seem to get the best of me.  So far this happened twice in my online dating experience and caused me to lose the chance with two great guys. The first guy I was afraid to let things go further and open up to him.  It was solely my fault as to why things ended with this guy.  I should have given it another shot and not just get skittish and go the other way when I’m afraid or uncomfortable.  This is where my anxiety came into play and it causes me to constantly worry and takes forever to open up to someone new. I let my anxiety ruin things all the time and this is just another thing to add to that list.  It definitely sucked when it ended with this first guy and there was no way to salvage this without it being awkward for me and possibly him.

Basically when things start progressing or it’s time to start opening up I  either become closed off like a clam, skittish like a puppy, want to leave, avoid the situation entirely, or end things before move forward.  This anxiety thing sucks because it makes dating so difficult especially online dating where you have never met the person before so it’s more of a risk than usual.

Recently my anxiety got in the way of my dating and ruined what could have been a good thing between nice guy 2 and me . The gist of the story is that we went on a first date, texted a few times during the next week, and he asked for a second date.  Already had plans for that weekend and we couldn’t meet up.  Now, my anxiety kicks in.  See the rational part of my brain was like it’s fine just say you can get together the following weekend.  This would have been the best option but of course my anxious ways get the better of me.  My brain goes into overanalyzing and obsessing mode and my thoughts are all like you’re his backup plan bc he had no plans that weekend, our contact will fade during the week, what if another weekend isn’t good, he’s a last minute planner etc.  I’m sure you get the picture of my million irrational thoughts and fears.

So I didn’t hear from the guy over the weekend.  Even though I was hesitant and nervous I texted him Monday to see how his weekend went.  But I’m afraid to suggest anything and basically didn’t know what to do after that.  Basically my anxiety is keeping me from acting and it sucks. Partly I’m afraid to open up to the guy and then the whole asking at the last minute thing freaks me out because I’m a planner. So this is how I was unsuccessful with nice guy 2.  Uggh, having anxiety sucks and destroys everything especially things with guys.

What I’ve been learning is that my anxiety is ruining so many things even some of my good dates which sucks.  I need to cast it aside and take a leap of faith once in awhile but it’s so difficult to do.  I really don’t want another guy to slip through my fingers.  This is going to be my doom when dating.

Any one else out there have a problem like this or deal with anxiety?  Thoughts, tips, experiences related to it affecting dating? All I am doing is a downward spiral and

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Dating Dilemma … Anxiety

  1. I understand what you are talking about. I haven’t experienced anxiety with online dating but have with other aspects of my life. I think the reason I haven’t with the whole online dating thing is that I really don’t let myself care about what happens there too much. I mean, the whole blogging thing has turned out to be a way to relieve myself from caring so much that it incapacitates me. Not that I’m saying it’s an easy thing; it just seems to work for me. Good luck with it all.

  2. Nice to know that someone understands anxiety. It’s more with meeting the guys and overthinking things sometimes. The messaging part is easier. My anxiety is a work in progress and I have seen improvement especially since I moved down south. The blogging does help and is a way to document events and thoughts in my life and a way to connect with others. Thanks for reading, liking, and following my blog!

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